Some Weird Eating Habits of Americans #1

So, now that I work and actually work and interact with humans and not vampires, I get to survey peoples eating behavior...and American's by far have the weirdest eating habits. Yes, it is true that some Euro's eat animal organs and brain and my people eat dogs. North Koreans universally practice cannibalism. We've all seen the footage. But all these are tasty, delicious and does a body good. American's not only desire by enjoy eating food that has negative nutritional value and possess the taste and texture of dirt.

Power Bars and Apples

I do not much like to challenge myself physically, EVER. I don't mind a little mental challenge and stimulation because nothing really is a challenge to my superior intellect. And a little stimulation keeps me on my toes and sharp as a circle. So when I walked into a 4 hour meeting at work the other day and encountered someone who just came from running the Boston Marathon, I was in stunned silence. Not in awe or respek, but it was early in the morning and I hadn't had my coffee yet. The meeting was progressing smoothly and I was getting situated all nice and compfy about to think with my eyes closed, when all of a sudden I hear a really loud crackling. The marathon guy, looking typically marathony whips out a Clif bar. Yuck! I never understood people who ate those. Or Power Bars. Or Balance Bars. I've tried them all, obviously out of curiosity because I'm a curious knowledge seeker the way any double Ivy Leager is trained to be, and they all universally taste like dirt. With the exception of Luna Bars. But this was implied. He ate half then put it away, obviously because it tastes bad but wanted to show off that he was a runner and needed energy. Then proceeded to tell me how famished he was and started chomping on a granny smith apple. Gross. The only acceptable snacking apples are Fuji. I know things like this because I am a cesspool of useless information. The apple made a lot of noise and I just couldn't focus. I get very easily distracted. It was just rude. The he finished off his Clif bar. Americans sometimes eat the weirdest grossest things. I think if I ever did run a marathon, which I would never because I'm not crazy, I'd probably eat a 10lbs steak wrapped in bacon and deep fried with a buttermilk batter dipped in mayonnaise slathered in Peter Lugars horseradishy sauce!