Everyone in New York City universally loves Fresh Direct. I would probably be dead if not for the bi-weekly beverage delivery from freshD. It is also a universally known fact that all the cool New Yorkers only drink expensive bottled water from Fiji. Sometimes water from France is an acceptable substitute. The further away it comes from, the better it is. Because it will be that much more expensive and New Yorkers like to pretend that they are ballers. You can immediately identify a cool New Yorker by the water they drink. When you are next hosting your ugly sweater party and someone asks if you have any artesian water from Fiji or any French mineral water, you will immediately want to tell them how awesome they are and facebook friend them. It would be wise to get their BBM pin and twitter account so that you can have multiple methods of staying in touch with such a cool person. This way you can host another awesome party together with awesome people, drinking awesome shooters, listening to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each other’s awesomeness. However, if at your party, someone asks for “New York’s finest” meaning dirty tap water or filtered Brita water, they are either from out of town or the wrong type of New Yorker. Either way, you will immediately want to throw them out of your party. This is acceptable social behavior because this is New York and it is just standard procedure to cut off all ties immediately with anybody uncool or has bad taste.
Derelict Chef Hates Foodies
In the past couple months, jillion's of people have laboriously asked why I do not cook more and if I do not cook, what do I eat? Some have even demanded I cook for them. Infidels! My food consumption, especially my act of cooking should be nobody's concern. The moment I mention I went to culinary school, I love how people try to make small talk by mentioning that they are also a foodie. "Also"? BTW, I really hate the word foodie and people who use it like it's a legit adjective to describe themselves. Foodie is NOT a real word! And honestly, is there anyone who isn't a foodie? Is there anyone in this world who doesn't like food? Even anorexic girls love food. I also love how they compare their inferior preferences to my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious tastes. So what do I eat? Whatever they have at the restaurant! Honestly, I'm not sure cause I've been eating out every day so all the tastes are blending in with one another and forming this extreme umami taste on the buds these days. I might as well eat some MSG. Yes, it gets exhausting, but until some enginerd invents disposable pots and pans, I may continue this odd urban behavior called eating out. I am a rogue chef! YES! I feel like I have street cred or something now! I do love cooking, but ever since the new job, I've had barely enough time to squeeze in the partying, let alone the sleep. So cooking has taken the backseat and completely abandoned. I shall cook something spectacular this weekend and post another blog. But seriously, unless I'm eating out, I really don't eat anything. Below is a picture of today's lunch...
Hugs and Kisses,
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