Some Weird Eating Habits of Americans #2

Nuts

Sometimes I get really hungry at work and want to keel over. But that wouldn't be a very professional move. So I reach for my Cheetos and scarf them down like the classy broad my parents always hoped I would grow up to be. 

I had a very strange conversation with someone the other day.

Jamie: (shoveling Cheetos down her throat covered in orange cheese powder)

Rando: Why are you not fat considering what you eat. You are what you eat.

Jamie: (a cool shrug and a sexy hair toss) Because these Cheetos have 0 grams of trans fat. It's like I'm losing weight as I eat. So I need to eat more.

Rando: Let me rephrase. Where does it all go?

Jamie: To my head.

Rando: Why don't you try eating some healthier options. Like nuts.

Jamie (eyes rolling) ...

True conversation. I swear.

I hate nuts. They make you farty and they are actually really fattening and caloric. One peanut is probably like 500 calories. I really hate every kind of nuts excluding the king of of nuts. Honey roasted peanuts that is! Everybody universally loves these. I never understood nuts in food...like Kung Pao Chicken??? What's that about. How am I supposed to eat it? Take a bite of the chicken and then a cashew? Or am I supposed to put it all in my mouth together? I just don't get it.

Speaking of nuts, Americans really seem to love trail mix. Gross. That's granola, nuts and dried fruit all mixed in one. All of those products individually  weren't repulsive enough that Americans decided one day, why don't we just combine all those ingredients to produce something totally revolting!

Some Weird Eating Habits of Americans #1

So, now that I work and actually work and interact with humans and not vampires, I get to survey peoples eating behavior...and American's by far have the weirdest eating habits. Yes, it is true that some Euro's eat animal organs and brain and my people eat dogs. North Koreans universally practice cannibalism. We've all seen the footage. But all these are tasty, delicious and does a body good. American's not only desire by enjoy eating food that has negative nutritional value and possess the taste and texture of dirt.

Power Bars and Apples

I do not much like to challenge myself physically, EVER. I don't mind a little mental challenge and stimulation because nothing really is a challenge to my superior intellect. And a little stimulation keeps me on my toes and sharp as a circle. So when I walked into a 4 hour meeting at work the other day and encountered someone who just came from running the Boston Marathon, I was in stunned silence. Not in awe or respek, but it was early in the morning and I hadn't had my coffee yet. The meeting was progressing smoothly and I was getting situated all nice and compfy about to think with my eyes closed, when all of a sudden I hear a really loud crackling. The marathon guy, looking typically marathony whips out a Clif bar. Yuck! I never understood people who ate those. Or Power Bars. Or Balance Bars. I've tried them all, obviously out of curiosity because I'm a curious knowledge seeker the way any double Ivy Leager is trained to be, and they all universally taste like dirt. With the exception of Luna Bars. But this was implied. He ate half then put it away, obviously because it tastes bad but wanted to show off that he was a runner and needed energy. Then proceeded to tell me how famished he was and started chomping on a granny smith apple. Gross. The only acceptable snacking apples are Fuji. I know things like this because I am a cesspool of useless information. The apple made a lot of noise and I just couldn't focus. I get very easily distracted. It was just rude. The he finished off his Clif bar. Americans sometimes eat the weirdest grossest things. I think if I ever did run a marathon, which I would never because I'm not crazy, I'd probably eat a 10lbs steak wrapped in bacon and deep fried with a buttermilk batter dipped in mayonnaise slathered in Peter Lugars horseradishy sauce!

Presbytarians Love Red Meat

I like to throw dinner parties sometimes. When I feel motivated and my nails are not freshly painted. I was partying hard one week and by the time the weekend rolled around, I just couldn't get my flat caboose off the sofa. And it just got flatter but I didn't care. It was Friday night, I felt like a turnip and I don't like to hang with guido's and BnT, so it was an acceptable night to stay in and do absolutely nothing. I may have also been in a very bad humor so it was better that I stayed in than bring out my sass. I invited a friend over to come have dinner with me at my house, and then we spoke with some others, and suddenly a dinner party materialized by noon on Saturday. It was the Saturday before Easter so a roast was in order. A beef roast. Not chicken. Cause chicken in any other form other than nuggets or fingers is gross. And it's also not good when not deep fried and slathered in honey mustard. And I don't like touching raw chicken skin because it's all human skin-esq looking and raw poultry kinda smells rank also. I went to Whole Foods to pick up some meat and holy shit, I was nearly stampeded by the chosen people looking for kosher briskets. I give mad respek to the chosen people because they built the pyramids. Good thing I don't cook my own brisket and I didn't particularly feel the need to buy kosher meat since I'm a good Presbyterian. And Presbyterians are omnivores. Yup. That's a fact.We especially enjoy bacon.

Anyways...I made this Beef Bottom Round (this was the only piece of meat left) and served it with the fantastic herby sauce type thing.

Recipe to come

Weekend Eats

It's Here! 540 calories of deliciousness. I can't wait to try it this weekend. This is going to be epic. Fried chicken breasts, bacon AND cheese! Shake Shack is out and KFC is back in!

Here is a very interesting article. I gained about 5 pounds just reading it.
http://dealbreaker.com/2010/04/first-kfc-double-down-challenge-of-the-season-under-way/