Tasteless Turned Tasteful

Zucchini and eggplant. These two words are synonymous to tomatoes in my discriminating mind. They plague me with tastelessness and torment me with odd textures reminiscent of old people food. However, the French have found a brilliant way to combine these uncanny ingredients to create a supernatural dish they call ratatouille. Ratatouille is pretty much the only way to make me eat all three of my least favorite ingredients, the zucchini, eggplant and the tomato. But the combination of these three ingredients with the addition of red bell peppers and onions creates a melt in your mouth sort of provencal dish I'd like to eat everyday. I'd rather not make it everyday because it's labor intensive and requires a little too much tender love and care I can give in these chaotic times. So here's a little secret. You just make a very huge batch and reheat it everytime you feel the urge.

Ratatouille

FOR 8-10

INGREDIENTS:

2 onions

2 large red bell peppers

2 zucchinis

1 eggplant

5 tomatoes

5 garlic cloves, crushed

Thyme

Salt, sugar and freshly ground pepper

PREPARATION:

Roughly chop all veggies in the same size. Heat some EVOO in a large pot and saute onions and garlic without browning. Add chopped tomatoes and thyme and let stew. In another saute pan, add more oil and cook the peppers. About 10 minutes. Add peppers to the tomato and onion mixture. Clean the pot and repeat with eggplant and then zucchini. Season with salt and pepper and a little bit of sugar. The sugar adds a little something i feel.

Babbo's Basic Tomato Sauce

Tomatoes are definitely on the top of my least favorites list. Probably cause it's really good for your body with all the lycopene and riboflavin. But I do love ketchup. So tomatoes can't be all that awful, right? Cooked tomatoes are definitely bearable. I like to focus my cooking on French food most of the time because in my opinion, it's by far superior to Italian with all the fun cream and butter sauces. And the French also invented foie gras. Sick bastards. I give them mad respek for their deranged culinary methods. Anyways, the other day I thought I'd stop watching reruns of the Family Guy and do something productive like reading. So I stopped by the nearest Barnes&Noble, which is still far, like 2 metro stops far. And I took myself straight to the cookbook section and bought the first book with the most pictures that made my mouth water. Pictures are key. Cookbooks without pictures for every recipe should be burned. But what do I know. I'm just a humble amateur blogger. My opinions don't really matter.

So I bought the Babbo cookbook and went right to work. I had to make another trip out to Whole Foods once I got home, which was pretty annoying but I did it. Picked up the ingredients and lugged it home on the metro. I like to call the subway, metro. It sounds more chic. And I like chic. I followed the instructions almost exactly for the basic tomato sauce on page 220 of the book and the taste was superb. Although, next time, I might get crazy and puree the chunky sauce with a hand mixer. Below is the picture of the sauce. I'm not the best dried pasta cooker so just admire the sauce.

Babbo's Basic Tomato Sauce

Once I learn to improv on tomatoes, I'll post an original recipe. I'm not a huge fan of Mario Batali only cause there's no reason for any high caliber chef to be that rotund unless they're not really working, but this sauce was pretty delish. I'd probably give Babbo the three Michelin star rating Mario thought he was entitled to way back yonder with just this tomato sauce alone. After all, he looks like the Michelin guy. He deserves the three stars.

MAKES A LOT

INGREDIENTS:

1 onion, chopped fine

1/2 carrot, shredded very fine

4 cloves of garlic, chopped fine

2 28oz. canned whole peeled tomatoes (I like San Marzano)

Fresh Thyme

Salt and freshly ground pepper

PREPARATION:

Heat some EVOO in a pan. Add garlic and onions and saute until very soft. Add carrots. Saute about 5 minutes. Crush the tomatoes with your hands. Then add tyme and all the tomatoes to the pot/pan. Bring to a boil and then simmer till you get a rich thick consistency. Season with salt and pepper to taste. I actually added a little bit of sugar because I like my savory food a little bit sugary. I simmered for about an hour.

Carbicide Happens to Good People

The pretty princess had a friend, the ogre, coming over for dinner on new years eve. The ogre only thought the princess was a debaucherous, champagne drinking party animal so she wanted to impress him with her domestic goddessness. The princess decided to serve her infamous lemon rosemary cream pasta and slaved over this delicious meal all day. The ogre came pounding on the door and as she told him the menu, he freaked out. He didn't eat carbs! But whatever, the princess still plated and once the ogre tasted the pasta, he couldn't stop eating. He ate the whole vat with extra cream sauce. The ogre then fell into a deep and troubled sleep from the carbicide he had just committed. The princess couldn't give him a true loves kiss to wake him from his deep slumber. I mean...he was an ogre! The princess had to think of her reputation. So while contemplating on ways to wake him, the princess fell asleep too! But then she was wakened by the ogre's thunderous snore. The pretty pretty princess got up, went over and slapped the ogre silly until he woke up. They both changed into their fat pants and lived happily ever after.

Lemon Rosemary Cream Pasta

The combination of flavors may sound bizarre but it's actually quite orgasmic. Take that Chef Boyardee! When seasoned just right, you should be able to taste just a hint of sour lemon and some very small hints of umami. I usually don't eat carbs because it makes me fat but I wanted to start out 2010 with extreme gluttony. So bon appetite and Happy Happy New Years! Better picture to come...

FOR 4 (2 for hogs)

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 box of Dried Linguini

Microplaned zest of 2 lemons

Big thick slices of 2 lemon peels

Big thick slices of 1 orange peel

Juice of 1 lemon

2 cups Low sodium chicken stock

2 pints of heavy heavy cream

Lots of rosemary, chopped

1 cup parmesan cheese

PREPARATION:

Bring out your fat pants. Set aside. Blanch the thick lemon and orange peels. 2 or 3 times depending on your level of motivation. Add chicken stock with blanched peels and reduce on high heat for about 5 minutes. Remove the peels from the stock and reduce till you have about 1/2 cup. Add the 2 pints of cream and reduce till you have slightly more than a pint of liquid left. Cook the linguini according to package directions till al dente. While the pasta is cooking, add the rosemary, lemon zest, lemon juice and cheese. Stir in the pasta immediately and serve even more immediately. If there seems to be too much sauce, don't worry. My pasta is always swimming in the sauce and it's better that way cause the noodles soak everything up. This version of the sauce is going to be pretty thick. If you're a puss and calorie count, then you can use less cream and you don't need to reduce it cause the cheese will bind everything together anyways. But you probably wouldn't be reading this blog if you calorie count...