The Essential Beach List

Following up from my previous post, I found the essential list the pretty pretty princess made on how to be fabulous on the beach. The only piece of paper I had was my Citarella To Go paper bag. And I think I found a blue ball point pen buried in the sand. Someone probs pee'd on it and I touched it. Gross.

The Essential Beach List
 
So I sometimes eat real food. While my posse was driving out to the Hamptons, we stopped by Citarella and got some delicious panini's. I'm really into panini's these days. They are just so warm and ooey and gooey and warm and I don't need utensils and they are just so warm. I wasn't really hungry when we stopped. Or at least I thought I wasn't hungry. Until some Italian gentleman offered me a warm fresh buffalo mozzarella ball he had just made. I call him a gentleman because he gave me free food. Oh gawd it was so good and it totally wet my appetite. I was pretty much starving to death at this point. So I ordered the Romano panini to go. And it was so sick. So so good. It had prosciutto, arugula, sun dried tomatoes, provolone cheese with an olive tapenade spread. I scarfed half of it down my throat and then didn't feel well, so completely forgot about the other half. As we were doing stuff, the sandwich just hungout on the seat of a black car in the scorching heat. Then about 8 hours later, I was able to put it in a fridge. The next day, as my team went to the beach, we took our half eaten panini's. I once again, completely forgot about the sammich. Took it back to my place of shelter and it just hung out. In ambient temperature. The next day...so this is about 50hours later, I looked at the sandwich. And guess what, it still looked edible. I would have liked to have tried a bite to see if it still was kosher, but I was being scrutinized and criticized for being gross by the posse. So.......I threw it out. Very reluctantly...

This is what the sandwich looked like after 50 hours in 85degree weather. Totes edible. The French woulda eaten it. Probably even fought over it once it grew mold on it and fermented a bit. They like their food to be stinky. Stinkier the better. The French stink because they eat stinky food. It all makes sense now. I'm a genius.

How not to be Fabulous

Once there lived a pretty pretty princess. Summer was her favorite season and it was finally summer!!! AHHHHH! She was so excited! Summer meant lots of parties, tanning, drinking excessive amounts of champagne and just being fabulous! The pretty pretty princess was so excited for her summer seasons first fabulous getaway to Montauk. But once she got there, she found that her beach set up was far from fabulous. It was just ghetto and so blah.
The princess was so sad about the ghetto beach set up, so she started drinking. Because the princess is so wise, she knew that drinking would solve all her problems. But the only thing available was ambient temperature Miller Light with a fun vortex tip. The vortex tip was pretty cool, but it still wasn't fabulous. The pretty pretty princess remembered one of her many super fabulous weekends in St. Tropez where they served her champagne over tons of ice. Being so wise and nimble minded, the princess was able to hastily improvise with only a styrofoam cup and ice cubes. Macgyver style. The pretty pretty princess immediately filled up the styrofoam cup with ice and poured in her lukewarm beer into the cup. The beer was instantaneously ice cold and so refreshing. 
The princess was so much happier on the beach with the ice cold beer, although the set up was amazingly ghetto fabulous. The pretty pretty princess made a list of necessary things her minions need to buy for her next beach trip...